judgey mcjudgerson

like my fun title? haha 

it's really easy to judge other people, right? say things like i would NEVER do that. how can you think that? say what? 

one thing people love to judge others about is their relationships. every marriage should follow certain rules and if it doesn't you are weird, odd, a social outcast. all the while those same odd, weird, social outcast things they judge others for are going on behind their own closed doors. 

marriage is hard ya'll. not in a bad way, i think marriage is hard in a good way, kind of like exercise. learning to live and work with someone else makes you grow and change in ways you never thought possible. and guess what NO TWO MARRIAGES ARE THE SAME. i feel like maybe some people need to read that last line about 12 billion times and tattoo it on themselves. 

and while no two marriages are the same i will say that no marriage can survive without certain things. and in my own opinion (obviously they may be different for others!) they are:

trust

honesty

desire to communicate

love

forgiveness

rules

there i said it marriages have rules. and guess what every marriage's rule are going to be different. however, if they infringe on any of the other things a marriage needs you're going to be in trouble i don't care how much you back pedal and try to make it seem like it won't. if you don't trust your husband or wife to go to dinner with their friends, need to check their phone or approve of every person they hang out with, you're probably not starting your marriage out on the right foot. 

i know some marriages have rules about friends of the opposite sex and time spent with members of the opposite sex. and that is great, i think everyone should think about those things and decide what their own marriage needs. but, if you can't trust your husband to make smart decisions in every day life then there is a problem, which i think is different than not putting yourself in a situation. if you have to interrogate your husband because he talked to a woman at a wedding while they were both ordering a drink at the open bar, you may need to think twice about your own issues with trust.  

and for the love of all that's good in the world remember that appearances aren't everything. yes, no one wants to be the couple that everyone knows has issues because they are an open book when it comes to fighting. but, once again if you are choosing to not have your husband talk to another human being at a wedding because so and so might talk and it will appear bad you really need to think twice about what you're saying. 

i've heard numerous people say in the past week that they have certain rules in their marriage for appearance sake. like they do x or y because they don't want people to talk. and i would understand if it was something like we prefer not to go to dinner alone with a member of the opposite sex. but, when it's if we're both at a wedding and one of us doesn't want to dance the other has to sit and be miserable and not dance with anyone else because it might get people gossiping.... i think there is a problem. and obviously that is just a very personal belief. but, i think like any good thing even good solid rules can be taken to a point where they do more harm than good. when you care more about the way your marriage appears to others than the way it functions on a daily basis would be one of those times you really need to sit back and take stock. 

and i'm done with my thoughts on marriage for the day :)

happy almost labor day weekend!