i need my mother!

this week i have been reminded over and OVER again that i am an adult. 

you would think that at 30 years of age i would understand this. i work, i have health insurance, own a car, pay rent, take care of two dogs and yet some days i still want my Mom. and i'm not afraid to admit it!

the home buying process is very humbling. people go through your financial records (and what feels like every record you've ever made including that time in third grade you went to the principles office) with a fine tooth comb. they ask you two billion questions and want an answer right then! send you documents that are 60 pages long and ask you to sign what feels like your life away.

i always knew it was complicated but man it's so much more complicated than i EVER imagined. what's really scary that basically until closing there are so many things that could go wrong that would end up with you NOT getting the house. i am trying to learn to let go and just pray about the things i can't change, but that is hard. at least for me. something i definitely struggle with. letting worry and fear take over. i work on it on a daily basis. probably more like a minute to minute basis.

i know i am much more relaxed and happy when i can let go but, it's so hard to remind myself of that. especially when i'm all wound up with worry. my dogs help with that some. i think they could tell i was super stressed this afternoon (in the middle of scanning said 60 page document, oy!) and they both came up and just starting giving me kisses. they are probably the best stress relief i have :) (other than that bag of m&ms i put a dent in while scanning......)

now that it's friday night i think i'll get a bit of reprieve this weekend. no papers to sign or questions to answer on the spur of the moment. i'm definitely going to use the time to relax and take a deep breath and remember that whether or not i get the house i am very lucky. i have matt and my dogs and our apartment is great. we'd be lucky to spend another year here. the worst that can happen is we will remain here. cue me saying this to myself 800 times this weekend :)

oh and those boxes are still staring at me. i think i'm using them as a way of dealing with the stress. it sounds stupid but i keep thinking if i start packing we won't get the house, if i wait we will. how ridiculous is that? but it's the kind of thought that passes through my head multiple times a day, haha. oh well, i'm working on it ;)

now time to enjoy some pink moscato (What you haven't tried it yet, please go and do that now!) and some jeopardy. and yes i do scream out the answers to the tv! :)